Here is a guest post from Edith Block LICSW
Power dynamics are everywhere and shape every part of our lives, often in ways we don’t even notice. They show up in the workplace, romantic relationships, and the larger world. These patterns echo each other, creating cycles that feel both frustrating and oddly familiar. As a therapist for individuals and couples, I see how these dynamics play out and impact people’s mental health, relationships, and decisions. Let’s dig into how these systems overlap and why they matter.
The Workplace: Hierarchies and Control
Workplaces are full of power plays, from the boss who thinks they’re the star of a reality show to the colleague who’s always ready to steal the spotlight in meetings. These dynamics often mirror what we learned from our families of origin or current, romantic relationships. Some bosses take on a “parental” role, while employees might unconsciously respond like kids trying to please or partners looking for balance.
Toxic workplaces can feel like being stuck in an abusive relationship, which I’m sure many of us can relate to. “Micromanagement and fear-based leadership? That’s like someone constantly looking over your shoulder, doubting every decision you make, leaving you feeling suffocated and unsure of your own abilities.”
On the flip side, leaders who prioritize collaboration and respect build environments where people actually want to work and productivity can be positively impacted. Terrance Real nailed it when he said, “We’re all products of our environment, and these dynamics will keep showing up until we consciously change them.” However, sometimes these types of leaders feel—or even benefit from—their “power over” stance and may not desire change. Therefore, the pressure to change might need to come from those in the “one-down” position.
Heather Cox Richardson explains that patriarchal patterns aren’t just personal; they’re woven into the fabric of our institutions. “Patriarchy isn’t just about individual relationships; it’s a framework that affects every institution we have,” she says. So if your relationship power dynamics feel a little off, it’s not just you—it’s society whispering in your ear.
Brené Brown’s research sheds light on this distinction. She explains the difference between “power over” and “power with or between,” emphasizing that “Power over” creates a toxic hierarchy, undermining collaboration and connection, while “power with” fosters trust and shared leadership. When leaders adopt a “power with” approach, emotional intelligence and mutual respect thrive, transforming the workplace into a space where people want to engage and contribute.
Romantic Relationships: Reflections of Larger Systems
Romantic relationships can really highlight power dynamics—they show how things can get all tangled up when personal and societal expectations clash. “Societal norms, gender roles, and past relational traumas, and models from family of origin all mix together to create patterns that often mirror the workplace. One partner may take charge while the other feels invisible, and patriarchal cultures only add fuel to this fire.
Terrance Real’s work highlights how patriarchy forces people into rigid roles. Society divides traits into “male” and “female” categories. Strength, logic, and independence are considered masculine; empathy, vulnerability, and nurturance are labeled feminine. Patriarchy tells men, “Hey, if you want to be taken seriously, you better leave those so-called feminine traits at the door.” The result? A lot of emotionally constipated men and women left picking up the slack. As Real puts it, “The very traits that make us human are denied to men in the name of dominance.” Many people in the “male” category are left only able to express two emotions: anger and love. This emotional restriction leaves relationships on shaky ground.
What’s particularly tricky is that traits typically labeled as “male”—being assertive, competitive, and independent—often lead to promotions, praise, and success in the workforce. But here’s the catch: those same traits can cause major issues at home. As Terrance Real points out, “The traits that make someone successful at work—like dominance or a single-minded focus on achievement—are often the exact traits that make them a nightmare to live with.” Imagine trying to build an emotionally connected relationship with someone who approaches every disagreement like it’s a corporate takeover. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t go well.
Oligarchs and Patriarchy: A Macro View of Power
Zooming out, let’s talk about oligarchs—the bosses of the world. These are the folks hoarding wealth and power like it’s the last slice of pizza at a party. Bernie Sanders sums it up perfectly: “We’re living in a world where a handful of billionaires have more wealth than half the planet. That’s not just inequality—it’s a power structure that keeps people from thriving.”
This mindset of hoarding power trickles down into workplaces and relationships, making it harder to prioritize fairness, connection, and mutual respect. It’s like the world is stuck in a bad group project where one person does all the work and the rest coast on their privilege.
Brené Brown’s perspective on leadership and power dynamics is insightful here, too. She argues, “The more power we have, the more responsibility we have to use it in ways that serve others.” This responsibility is often lost in oligarchic systems, where power is hoarded rather than shared, and the broader impact on society is ignored.
Breaking the Cycle
So how do we push back against these entrenched dynamics? It starts with small, intentional steps—and maybe a few laughs along the way:
Know Yourself: Recognize your own relationship with power. Do you tend to take control or let others lead? Understanding your tendencies is the first step to creating healthier dynamics. (Pro tip: Therapy helps!)
Have Real Conversations: Whether at work or at home, talk openly about needs, boundaries, and expectations. Terrance Real’s concept of “relational living” emphasizes mutual respect and accountability in all interactions. Think of it as the antidote to passive-aggressive statements.
Choose Empathy and Collaboration: Patriarchy tells us to compete and dominate. Challenge that by working together and valuing emotional intelligence. Seriously, being kind doesn’t mean you’re weak.
Support Systemic Change: Advocate for leaders, policies, and practices that promote equity and inclusion. As Heather Cox Richardson reminds us, “The systems we build reflect the values we prioritize.”
Get Support When Needed: Therapy is a powerful tool to untangle the impact of power dynamics in your life and relationships. And no, you don’t have to wait for a crisis to book a session.
Final Thoughts
The power dynamics we navigate daily—whether at work, in love, or in society—are all connected. By challenging these systems, we can build a world that values fairness, collaboration, and mutual respect. As Bernie Sanders says, “Change comes when people stand together and demand a future that works for everyone, not just the few.” It starts with how we show up—for ourselves, our relationships, and our communities.
And hey, maybe the next time you’re in a position of power, think about sharing the last slice of pizza. It’s a small step, but it’s a start.
